All I am going to be sharing with you in this piece are from the word of God as it has to do with marriage and not some random idea from a marriage therapist or a marriage psychologist. As we have established earlier, we are looking at marriage from the perspective of God who is the original founder of the marriage institution. So, what the word of God says concerning marriage is the final authority as far as the marriage institution is concerned.

 

God will not bend His word or His principles to suit all manner of things that we see with many marriages today. Rather, it is people who must bend and submit to the authority of the word of God so that they can enjoy all that marriage has to offer them. Marriage therapists and psychologist are doing their best anyway, but where their counsel fails, the word of God cannot fail, and this is why the word of God must be your final bus stop.

 

So, I asked myself: what is an ideal marriage? And the Holy Spirit minister it to my heart that an ideal marriage is that marriage that is based on all the principles that we are going to be sharing with ourselves in this teaching.

 

1. An Ideal Marriage Is Based on The Word of God and Not on The Emotions of The People Involved

The reason why you would get married in the first place is because God desires that you get married and not because you want to fulfill your emotional fantasies and what have you. In Genesis 2:24, God said “therefore a man (talking about the male man) shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife (talking about the female man). Therefore, we can see from there that marriage is God’s desires for both genders. If you now decide and say “me, I don’t want to be entangled in the marriage union, I want to remain unmarried”, it is fine, that is your choice.

 

So, if you marry your spouse for just any reason, other than the word of God, you would also consider divorcing him or her for just any reason. This is why an ideal marriage should be founded on the word of God and not on any undue emotional pressure. In Matthew 19:3-6, the Bible says: “The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?” Those who marry just for any reason are the ones who end up divorcing themselves just for any reason. Marital union is not entered into just for any reason.

 

⁴ And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ ⁵ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? ⁶ So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let not man separate.”

 

2. An ideal Marriage is founded on the Principle of Covenant

The earlier people know that marriage is a lifelong covenant, the better they will be ready before they go into it. An ideal marriage is based on covenant and not a mere promise or contractual agreement. In a contractual agreement, once either of the party has refused to hold on to their end of the contractual agreement, the other party can pull out of the contractual arrangement. But this is not so in a marriage union. Even if one party is failing in the covenant relationship, the other party must hold on to their own end of the bargain.

 

God is more covenant-driven than contract-driven. That is why we sometime refer to Him as a covenant keeping God. There are examples of covenant relationships of God and man in the Bible: With Himself and Abraham, with Moses, with David, et cetera. God thinks long term and therefore, the husband and the wife must pledge their allegiance to the term of the marriage covenant for as long as they live. Also, the marriage is a covenanted union that is consummated by blood. It is because of this that young people are admonished to keep themselves sexually pure till they are properly married.

 

Malachi 2:14 says: “But you say, “Why does he not?” Because the Lord was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant.” Once a man and woman are joined together in Holy Matrimony, death is the only thing that can separate that covenanted union. Romans 7:2-3, the apostle Paul wrote: “For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband. ³ So then if, while her husband lives, she marries another man, she will be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from that law, so that she is no adulteress, though she has married another man.”

 

Now, somebody may say what about Matthew 19:9 (And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” ESV), where Jesus said a man can leave his wife if found in sexual immorality. That is also valid however, it must have been established that the spouse is actually found in sexual immorality, and this is the reason why Jesus said so. Marriage is between two people by covenant that have become one flesh through sexual intercourse. 1 Corinthians 6:16 (ESV) tells us: “Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, “The two will become one flesh.”

 

That tells you that the moment you have an extramarital affair outside of your original union, you are no longer one with your original spouse, you are not one with several other spouses, and that has invalidated the original oneness you have had with the wife or husband of your youth, in whom God was witness (Malachi 2:14). So, if that happens, and the proof of sexual immorality have been established, Jesus said a man can divorce his wife.

 

3. An ideal marriage is founded on the Principle of Disclosure

It has been proven that disclosure in marriage has a link with marital satisfaction. Marriage is not the kind of union where you hide or keep secret from your partner. Everything must be opened. Genesis 2:25 says “And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.” Although nakedness in that context connotes not having any clothes on, it also means not having any secret that you are hiding from your spouse. If there is anything you had done in your past that is capable of bringing about trouble in your marriage, it is not good that you hide such a thing from your spouse. The earlier you let them know, the better.

 

4. An ideal marriage is between a man and a woman, and not between a man and another man, a woman and another woman or a human and any animal

Those who are engaged in any immoral marriage are incurring the wrath of God on themselves and God does not take the matter of homosexuality lightly. Homosexuality is a wicked and a vile thing before God. Genesis 19:5-7 says: “And they called to Lot and said to him, “Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us that we may know them carnally.” ⁶ So Lot went out to them through the doorway, shut the door behind him, ⁷ and said, “Please, my brethren, do not do so wickedly!”

 

Also, Judges 19:23-24 says: “But the man, the master of the house, went out to them and said to them, “No, my brethren! I beg you, do not act so wickedly! Seeing this man has come into my house, do not commit this outrage. ²⁴ Look, here is my virgin daughter and the man’s concubine; let me bring them out now. Humble them, and do with them as you please; but to this man do not do such a vile thing!”

 

Homosexuality is an abomination before God. In Leviticus 18:22, the Bible says: “You shall not lie with a male as with a woman. It is an abomination.” Also, in Leviticus 20:13, it says: “If a man lies with a male as he lies with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination. They shall surely be put to death. Their blood shall be upon them.”

 

Those who engage in homosexuality will never inherit the kingdom of God. 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 says: “Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, ¹⁰ nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God.”

 

Those who engage in homosexuality would incur the wrath and judgment of God. Jude 1:7 says: “And don’t forget Sodom and Gomorrah and their neighboring towns, which were filled with immorality and every kind of sexual perversion. Those cities were destroyed by fire and serve as a warning of the eternal fire of God’s judgment.”

 

5. An ideal marriage is founded on the Principle of Reciprocity

Merriam-Webster dictionary describes reciprocity as: “a relationship in which two people agree to do something similar for each other.” It is important we understand this principle in marriage before we assume it to be a punitive or vengeful way of getting back at your spouse for the wrong done or for the right done. Here is how apostle Paul explained this principle to us in 1 Corinthians 7:3-6. The Bible says:

 

“Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. ⁴ The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. ⁵ Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

 

6. An ideal marriage is founded on the Principle of mutual Honor

“For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, ⁶ as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. ⁷ Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honour to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”

1 Peter 3:5-7

 

I believe you have learnt something!

Thanks for the gift of your time, I am Obayomi Abiola Benjamin!

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