Let us look at the concluding part of what we began in the first part of this series: The Perfect Marriage. Our focus in this second part is titled: Examining Christ And the Church as Our New Testament Marriage Model, and let us begin with Ephesians 5:31-33, a New Testament Scripture. The Bible says: “For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless, let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

 

Haven read the above Scriptures, there are four fundamental subjects that are very germane in the union between Christ and the Church. These four things are: Christ, Church, love and submission/respects/reverence, and let us briefly talk about each one of these subjects because it would form a background to what we will be examining this morning.

 

The marriage between Christ and the Church is as an inseparable union. Christ would not fold His arms and see anything untoward befall His church. Right from the onset, He said to Peter “I will build my church and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it” (Matthew 16:18). The gates of hell are a compendium of spiritual forces of darkness. Notice He used the word “gates” which means, they are more than one. Jesus is saying, when these gates come together in agreement against the church, their counsel would not stand and prevail over the church.

 

This is why for many centuries, all the forces of darkness that have risen against the church in form of human attacks all collapsed before the church. From the persecution of the early church in the first century, to the introduction of CAMA in the twenty-first century by the Nigerian government, the church of Christ is still standing till today, and she will continue to stand till Christ returns. That means that statement made by Jesus have remained true and will forever be true.

 

The church is the body of Christ. The moment a man becomes born again and have accepted Christ as his personal Lord and savior, that person automatically becomes a member of the body of Christ. 1 Corinthians 12:12-14 and 27 says: “For as the body is one and has many members, but all the members of that one body, being many, are one body, so also is Christ. ¹³ For by one Spirit we were all baptized into one body—whether Jews or Greeks, whether slaves or free—and have all been made to drink into one Spirit. ¹⁴ For in fact the body is not one member but many. Now you are the body of Christ, and members individually.” Also, Ephesians 1:22-23 says: “And He put all things under His feet, and gave Him to be head over all things to the church, ²³ which is His body, the fullness of Him who fills all in all.” So, at salvation, you become a member of the church; not the building or denominations, but a spiritual body or group of people that represents Christ on the face of the earth.

 

The church is Christ’s bride and Christ Himself is the groom. Yesterday at the evening Bible School, we examined something related to this same matter, how that God had betrothed us to Himself forever. Now, the same scenario is playing out here in the New Testament, lest we say, what we examined was in the Old Testament. There is that vital, inseparable union that God has for us mankind. And all these He demonstrated to us while He was instituting marriage in Genesis that we saw. Now, let us examine the following Scriptures in the New Testament show to us that same inseparable union. 2 Corinthians 11:2-3, Revelation 19:7-8, and 21:2&9. The Bible says:

 

“For I am jealous for you with godly jealousy. For I have betrothed you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ. ³ But I fear, lest somehow, as the serpent deceived Eve by his craftiness, so your minds may be corrupted from the simplicity that is in Christ.”

 

Revelation 19:7-8

“Let us be glad and rejoice and give Him glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and His wife has made herself ready.” ⁸ And to her it was granted to be arrayed in fine linen, clean and bright, for the fine linen is the righteous acts of the saints.”

 

 

Revelations 21:2 and 9

Then I, John, saw the holy city, New Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. Then one of the seven angels who had the seven bowls filled with the seven last plagues came to me and talked with me, saying, “Come, I will show you the bride, the Lamb’s wife.”

 

The Love Tringle in Marriage

In the love triangle in marriage, there are three people that are involved. Christ, the Husband and His wife. Ephesians 5:25 says: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.” So, that tells us that Christ is the perfect model of the kind of love that a man should express to his wife, not the Hollywood or the Nollywood kind of love. The starting point to this discussion is to begin by first and foremost understanding the love of Christ for the church. The kind of love Christ has for the church is called AGAPE, a loving relationship that is not based on conditions.

 

In ancient Greek Civilization, it is believed that there are four kinds of love, there is: Eros (the type of love that exists between husband and wife), Storge (natural love e.g.: the type that is between parents and their children and vice versa), Philia (brotherly love, happens between friends), and Agape Love (selfless or unconditional love). So, the husband is admonished to love his wife unconditionally and absolutely. This agape love is not natural to mankind, it is produced by the workings of the Holy Spirit. Galatians 5:22 (TPT) says: “But the fruit produced by the Holy Spirit within you is divine love in all its varied expressions.”

 

How Did Christ Love the Church?

- Christ love for the church is sacrificial. A man is expected to love his wife sacrificially. True love is sacrificial. God said to Abraham in Genesis 22, take your son Isaac whom you love and go sacrifice him in the land of Moriah on one of the mountains I shall show you. And immediately, Abraham departed! Whatever love you express that is not based on sacrifice is not complete. True love must cost you something: your time, your attention, your money et cetera. The Bible says in Romans 5:8 that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Christ was willing to take the risk even in our godly state, knowing that we would accept His love in return.

 

- Christ love for the church is purposeful. Therefore, a man is expected to love his wife purposefully. Ephesians 5:25 says: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.” Notice he was not trying to mince words there. It was a statement of fact and intent. Christ said “I will build my church and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it.” That is a statement of purpose and intent. Irrespective of what your wife does or does not do, you are expected to love her as the man.

 

The Woman’s Submission

The woman is expected to submit to her own husband. 1 Peter 3:1-2 and 5-6 says: “Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, ² when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, ⁶ as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror.”

 

Why is the woman enjoined to submit? Because she is under the authority or leadership of her husband. Now, let us leave sentiment aside now, and all the dynamics that we see in modern-day marriages, of equality and feminism and all manner of man-made theories and postulations. The woman is expected to submit her own husband. She may be the CEO of a multi-trillion dollars corporations or has a number of men working under her. But when it comes to marriage, her submission to her husband is non-negotiable. But why is this submission so important that it is a cardinal thing between the husband and the wife? Let us find out under the next heading: Leadership in Marriage.

 

Leadership in Marriage

The primary reason why submission is very key on the part of the wife to her husband is because the responsibility of leadership in the marriage has been given to the man. Genesis 2:24 says: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”  

 

This statement as we see it here, is a statement of PURPOSE: The man must have purposed marriage in his own heart. Marriage is not what you stumble upon; marriage is what you purposed. Therefore, impregnating a woman out of wedlock and taking the woman to be your wife does not make you a married man. Because it was not marriage that you purposed in your heart, it was sex that you purposed and unfortunately, it turned out the woman got pregnant and you turned it into a marital union. Hebrews 13:4 says: “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” If that is how you became married, then you will incur the judgment of God if you will not repent.

 

The statement is also a statement of INITIATIVE: The man must be the one to initiate marriage and not the woman. And that is why it would never be right that a woman is the one proposing marriage to a man, it is absolutely wrong. Proverbs 18:22 (TPT) says:

When a man finds a wife,
he has found a treasure!
For she is the gift of God to bring him joy and pleasure.
But the one who divorces a good woman
loses what is good from his house.

 

The statement is also a statement of RESPONSIBILITY: the man is responsible for providing for his own household. A man who would not provide for his own home is worse than an infidel (1 Timothy 5:8). Although there are times in which the responsibility of providing may tilt more towards the woman, maybe by virtue of the fact that she earns more money than her husband or what have you. But this does not negate the fact that the man should abdicate the whole responsibility of the provision to the wife.

 

Lastly, the statement is a statement of ACCOUNTABILITY: When God visited the garden after the fall of man in Genesis 3, it was the man that God called out unto, and not the woman. Genesis 3:8-10, the Bible says: “And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. ⁹ Then the Lord God called to Adam and said to him, “Where are you?” ¹⁰ So he said, “I heard Your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself.”

 

So, as far as the marriage is concerned, the man is accountable to God because he is the leader. And when you take a look at all these words: purpose, initiative, responsibility and accountability, they are characteristics of a good leader.

 

Secondly, by virtue of precedence, the man is the leader. In 1 Corinthians 11:3 & 7-12 (TPT), the Bible says: “But I want you to understand that Christ is the source of every human alive, and Adam was the source of Eve, and God is the source of the Messiah. A man in leadership is under no obligation to have his head covered in the public gatherings, because he is the portrait of God and reflects his glory. The woman, on the other hand, reflects the glory of her husband, ⁸ for man was not created from woman but woman from man. ⁹ By the same token, the man was not created because the woman needed him; the woman was created because the man needed her. ¹⁰ For this reason she should have authority over the head because of the angels. ¹¹ So then, I have to insist that in the Lord, neither is woman inferior to man nor is man inferior to woman. ¹² For just as woman was taken from the side of man, in the same way man is taken from the womb of woman. God, as the source of all things, designed it this way.”

 

So, as a woman, before you start to claim equality with your husband in marriage and want to assume his roles, you clearly need to read this portion of the Bible. Now, leadership becomes so tedious when there is no submission from the people you are leading. Even though the man is the leader so to say, he is expected to assume the role of a servant as well too.

 

Jesus gave a beautiful model of this servant-leadership in Matthew 20:25-28. It says: “But Jesus called them to Himself and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and those who are great exercise authority over them. ²⁶ Yet it shall not be so among you; but whoever desires to become great among you, let him be your servant. ²⁷ And whoever desires to be first among you, let him be your slave— ²⁸ just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.”

 

So, the leadership of the man in the marriage is not to lord it over his wife and children. He is expected to lead them in the fear and admonition of God. That is why apostle Paul wrote in Colossians 3:18-21 that: Wives should submit to their own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord, husbands to love their wives and not be bitter toward them, children to obey their parents in all things, for it is well pleasing to the Lord, and fathers should not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. All these can only happen within the ambience of servant-leadership.

 

In conclusion, a man is expected to love his wife as Christ loves the church, and the woman is expected to submit to the leadership authority of her husband as far as the marriage is concerned. This is the model that Christ has given unto us as far as marital union is concerned in the New Testament.

 

I believe you have learnt something!

Thanks for the gift of your time, I am Obayomi Abiola Benjamin!

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