Most marriages I believe wouldn't have hit the brick wall if the husband and wife had voiced out earlier than they did. There is this trait about marriage that many have subtly accepted as the norm; and it is in the fact that we all have been made to think and believe we can tolerate each other's inadequacies in the marriage, even though it hurts us really badly. I know for sure that in marriage, one needs some certain degree of tolerance for the other party, but when it comes to you losing your sanity all in the name of tolerating one another's inadequacies, especially when the party is not showing any signs of change, then I think you need to seek some counsel, especially, the right counsel.

 

I read a lot these days about broken marriages and how divorce rates have been on the increase. These figures only give credence to the fact that there is something fast changing about the culture of marriage, something I believe many of our parents were able to tolerate one way or the other in their partners, are no longer tolerable in today's marriages. The times have changed so rapidly. Technology and social media have amplified a lot of things. Things that were hitherto hidden about many marriages of our parents, something that some third party family members never get to hear about our parents marriages; stories like that, I am surprised now find their way to the public domain in this age and time and no thanks to the various social media platforms that amplifies such matters.

 

Practically, married folks now come to twitter, Facebook and Whatsapp to vent their angers concerning their spouses inadequacies. Matters that should just have remained within the confines of the bedroom now find their way to the public, and members of these social media platform, some of them I believe are not even married, now are made to judge matters concerning the modern day marriages. I am one of the people who believe marriage is divine and that married people can have healthy marriages and healthy homes. I also hold this belief that husband and wife can live happily ever after and remain married till each one of them serves their time here in this earthly realm.

 

The problem with many marriages today I believe is still rooted in the fact that people want to do it in their own way and on their own terms, and not on the terms of the one; God, who instituted marriage in the first place. Never forget I said earlier, that I particularly believe that marriage is divine; it is not originated from this earthly realm. And I also believe that there is no way one can apply an earthly solution to something that is divine. The solution definitely must come from the one who made it. For example, when you purchase a product and the manufacturer says the product has one year warranty. That means if within the period of one year a fault surfaces from the careful usage of the product, you have the right to take it back to the manufacturer for a proper fixing.

 

Many today are seeking earthly solution to many marital problems, and that is where a lot of the drama we see about many marriages today emanate from. Have you wondered why the priest that joins husband and wife together says "before God and the presence of these witnesses I now pronounce you as husband and wife?" It is because God owns marriage. Marriage was never the devil's idea, but God's. It would do you a lot of good, if you forget for some moments what society, culture, tradition and social media paints marriages to be to you.

 

As a matter of fact, culture and traditions have been the greatest bane to many marriages that should actually have been great. Imagine, God has shown you how you should treat your wife, but your culture says "this is how women are being treated" based on some ideas that came from the pit of hell. Isn't that a problem? So, you now see men who think their wife is a slave or a sex machine simply because that is how his culture viewed women. You now see a woman who thinks in her culture, men should not be submitted to because the women are perceived as some thin gods in her culture.

 

Nothing has been a threat to marriages more than culture and tradition because, many of the traits and attitudes of your spouses are gotten from somewhere. But if people would go back to the divine arrangement of marriage, how God wants marriage to be and how He planned it to be, I believe the divorce rates and all other challenges we see with most marriages today would come to an end. Now, let me help you the readers understand some few tips about marriage. I know you know some tips already, but let me help you amplify them more in your thoughts. Whether people like it or not, marriage is a divine institution that can never be broken. When you have made up your mind to get married to that man or that woman, and the priests has pronounced the marital blessings on you both before God and witnesses, that covenant remain binding on both parties till death do you part.

 

Now, I know modernization and our legal system have made divorce an escape route out of marriage. But the shocker is this! Even if you divorce your partner, as long as you both are still alive, in the eyes of God, you both are still married; because the marriage covenant is "till death do us part." Divorce can only take you physically out of the marriage and away from your spouse, but divorce does not excuse you from that marriage covenant. A man sees a woman and then promised to marry her. Once the joining together is done, and the man and woman have consummated their marriage with their first sexual intercourse, that marriage then becomes a covenant binding by blood. It is at this point that the two now become one flesh. When you understand this truth, you would do all it takes in your power to see that your marriage work because divorce cannot take you out of that marriage.

 

¹⁶ for I hate divorce,” says the Lord, the God of Israel, “and him who covers his garment with wrong,” says the Lord of hosts. “So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.”

Malachi 2:16 (NASB)

 

Many today hold the notion that divorce is a sure way out of a terrible marriage. While that may solve the problem temporarily, what it does is that it pitches you against God. God can't say "he hates" something, and it is that thing He says He hates that you want to do. Now, there is something solemn about that understanding that God hates divorce that you must have. One way, that statement means God does not want you to leave your marriage under whatsoever guise it may be. Secondly, it also means there is nothing, absolutely nothing that can befall your marriage that cannot be resolved. The marriage institution is so strong that flimsy matters and excuses that we see today bring an end to many marriages are not even worth it. Deuteronomy 32:4 says "God is the Rock, His work is perfect." That tells you marriage, as created by God was perfect too.

 

And apart from that, God also said He hates "anyone who covers his garment with wrong.” This is where the matter becomes sensitive for married folks. When your partner points out one or two wrongs in the marriage that is coming from you, either being the husband or wife; you are expected to make amends immediately. This is where the principle of complementarity comes in marriage. Husbands and wives are supposed to complement each other, and not compete.

 

God did not institute competition into marriage when He instituted it. He said to the woman "submit to your husband" and to the man, "love your wife." He didn't tell them to compete and become a rival with each other in the home. In the beginning when marriage was created, God thought it within Himself that the woman (Eve) shall be a helper to the man (Adam). All these principles are what modern marriages have violated and that is where the problem is coming from. As the wife submits and complements her husband, and the husband in return showers his love and attention on his wife, the home front is built up and Satan would not have any avenue to penetrate the marriage.

 

When there are challenges in your marriage, the right thing I believe is to seek for the right counsel. Many seek for the wrong counsel from the wrong people. The right counsel starts by examining what God has said concerning marriage. When you have this understanding that marriage is God's idea and not any man's, then you will thread softly when asking people to guide you when matters arises in your marriage.

 

I believe this piece have blessed you.

Thanks for the gift of your time, I am Obayomi Abiola Benjamin!

Feel free to share your thoughts or testimony in the comment box below. I promise to respond to them as soon as possible!