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Creating And Sustaining Your LIFE CUTTING EDGE In Marriage
Stats: 10,485 words / Reading Time: 52.43 mins

Published: Thursday, 1st October 2020

By: Gboyega ADEDEJI

Creating And Sustaining Your LIFE CUTTING EDGE In Marriage is read 2.2K times on CentreNDL.org 2.2K


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Today, I believe the Lord is taking us further on our Marriage Series and we are going to be examining something that has been titled: Creating and Sustaining Your Life Cutting-edge in Marriage. And we will begin our meditation from the book of Genesis 1:26 and from there, we journey with the Holy Spirit. So, there are two things that we want to understand: How to create and how to sustain our cutting-edge as a people in marriage. So, there is an assumption here that there is a difference between you that is married and you that is not married. There is an assumption that there is an expectation hanging on your life that will only become materialized when you get married.


Now, for those who have been married for many years and their lives have not become any better, it is important they ask questions: Have I created my own cutting-edge? If I have created it and it is no more a cutting-edge, how did I fail? Because if it is no more, then it means something has happened to it. So, the question they would be confronted with is: How did I fail from sustaining it? Because we are expected to create it, we are expected to sustain it. It is not enough to do well for a season, it is important to perpetuate whatever excellence or greatness that has started in your life just because you got married. Do you understand that?


So, let us go to Genesis 1:26. All the Scriptures we want to look at today, we want to see what happens to a people either before they got married or as soon as they got married, and then their time in marriage. The Bible says in Genesis 1:26: Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” We have seen the implication of this statement in one of our Leadership Fellowship meetings just some days ago when we examined The Spirituality of Marriage.


Now, we could see that God began by saying “let is make man” and we must understand who that man was and who that man is. The man in the picture is a creature of God that has an earthen vessel. Now, the man that we are creating, even though we are starting with a unit, but he is not going to remain as that because God says “let them”, you don’t use the word “them” for one, you simply use it for more than two. God said “let them have dominion.” The question is: How can they have that dominion if they have not gotten married? How can the dominion begin when marriage is not established? So, there was a promise of dominion but waiting for marriage before it manifests.


Recently in one of our series, we saw that there is a phase that God creates a thing and whatever He creates, He forms it. So, when God creates a thing, the thing exists with Him in the invisible realm. But when He makes the thing, the thing becomes visible for others to see. Do you understand? God made man, and God gave the dominion over the earth to the married man. Because, if we even look at it, that “them” connotes “mankind.” So, when God made man, God gave dominion to mankind, and once you are considering mankind, you are looking at the collection or the group of men. And what multiplies men on the earth, the foundation upon which men are multiplied on the earth is the foundation called marriage. And so, we could see that man was created by God, but his authority would only materialize effectively in marriage.


Let us see again Genesis 2:7, we are taking a journey. We have seen the intention of God in Genesis 1:26. The Bible says in Genesis 2:7: And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being.So, we saw that God created and then God made, God formed man and man began to exist. Of course, man began to exist with God at creation, but man began to exist on the earth after man was formed by God. Do we see that? And so, in verse 8, God planted a garden eastward in Eden and there he put the man whom He had formed. And so, we can see the process.


First, there is the process of creation which in contemporary times, is the phase where God declares His intentions. “I want to do this, I desired.” But haven desired, God decided to forge ahead by taking the first step, He formed the first man, and then He took that man and put Him in the garden that He has made. Hope we saw the process again? Now let us see verse 15. Then the Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to tend and keep it. First, that verse 8 that we read earlier shows us what God did after God formed man. Bible says God put him in the garden. Don’t forget we are examining Creating and Sustaining Your Life Cutting-edge in Marriage. Now, the first thing is God beginning with a man or God beginning with a woman or as an individual or a single unit. But haven formed the man, God put him in a place. Haven put him in a place, God gave him responsibility in that place.


Now, if I want to apply, some of us could be made to leave different places that we were born and raised and God could bring us to different parts of the world, and suddenly we find ourselves in those places, not knowing what we are to do in those places until God comes to you and says “I did not bring you to this place just to have fun, I have brought you here simply because I want you to do this and that in this city”, do we understand that? That was the situation of Adam. Haven been brought into the garden, God now said “this garden I have brought you to, you have a responsibility over it, “tend it, keep it.”” And so, let us jump again into verse 18: And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone.”


The man that I have formed, the man that I have created a garden for, the man that I have given responsibility to, it is not good that he should be alone. There is a dominion mandate hanging on him that would materialize only when something is activated in his life. There is a missing factor as it were, that needs to be added to his life to bring to reality what God has prophesied aforetime. Because for many of us, we think we are different from Adam, we think Adam just got everything on a platter of gold. The same way it is for us today, that was how it was for Adam. The word of God went ahead of Adam, the word of God created his destiny, but there was a phase or there was a need for him to emerge in phases in fulfilment of the prophesies that had gone ahead of him.


So, God has said “dominion is for you over the earth", but if this dominion will come into being, something is required. It is not good for this man to be alone. Let us continue verse 18: I will make him a helper comparable to him.” Now, I don’t want us to be going into so much details about certain verses that I have skipped. I want us to just use the verses that I have mentioned. God has formed him, He has given him responsibility, then God said: “this man that has started fulfilling responsibility, it is not good for him to be alone". And you know, once God says something is not good, actually, that thing is not good. Because before God, nothing is hidden. There is no shadow of turning with God, everything is clear before Him. He knows the end of a thing even from the beginning.


God knew that if Adam should continue that way, his life will not actually be of much difference from those he is trying to lead. You know, when we are talking about cutting-edge, usually, there is a word that is used or a phrase to describe it. It is called “an advantage.” It is also what gives a man, a woman an advantage over other people. Without your cutting-edge, you are not different from every other person. Samson was different from every other Jew in his day, he was a judge over the people of Israel because of the fact that he was a Nazarite unto God. He was born a Nazarite and he functioned as such. So, when we are looking at Samson and admiring his might, that was his own cutting-edge. And you would also notice that what robbed him of that cutting-edge was wrong marriage. Do we remember that?


Every time he wanted to look for a woman outside God’s plan for his life, he went into error, to the point that he eventually lost his cutting-edge. Do we know that? So, the more we are talking about creating and sustaining cutting-edge, the more you must realize that your refusal or decision to remain unmarried could make or mare your cutting-edge in life. So, God said “it is not good for this man to be alone, I have a great plan for him. I have said he would become great and he will rule over everything on the earth.” If he remains like this, he may not experience it. But I know what I will do. I will make a helper comparable to him. So, the journey became visible on the earth, even though it was inside God, God had finished it, He had created it, but it began to materialize from that moment forward.


Now let us read downward: Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him. Now, can you ask yourself a question: Why was the emphasis on helper mentioned like this? In verse eighteen, God said “I will make him a comparable helper.” In verse twenty, the Bible says “there was not found a helper comparable to him.” So, we are hearing the word twice. It can only mean that his life required help.


God knew that Adam needed help. Dominion was indeed sure in God for his life. But if he will ever walk in the reality of it, he must be helped. A man would consider himself to be strong, “I can do it by myself.” But God said “you can’t do it by yourself”, it is not good for you to be alone. In fact, you may struggle if you are alone, but you will excel if you have help. Now, God brought all the animals (the living creatures) to Adam to name them, and he gave them names. And much more than given them names, Adam also gave them responsibility. There was something they were expected to do for him, he gave them the responsibility. Don’t forget when God brought Eve to him, he said “now this is the bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh, she shall be called”, Adam was in that mode of calling. “She shall be called woman” why? Because she was taken out of man. In other words, she shall be called my own personal helper.


Don’t forget, before this moment, God brought certain creatures to him, and when he saw them, he didn’t call any of the creatures, bone of his bones and flesh of his flesh and woman; because that would have been a serious issue for mankind for example, if he had mistakenly refer to goats or any other animal as what they are not. He didn’t do that but they were living creatures. But when he saw Eve, he felt something different from the things he had been seen and given names to. So, this was a king who needed help. Before Eve came, helpers were on ground. But none of them was comparable to him, none of them could meet his personal needs. So, if he had said “Lord, all the helpers you have given to me, I am okay with them. Don’t give me Eve, don’t give me any other creature again. I am okay with all these you have brought for me.” What would have happened was that Adam would have been helped generally, but not specifically.


The Eve that God brought, because we must realize that when God was forming the other living creatures, God didn’t take anything from Adam to form them. Out of the ground the Lord God formed them. But when God wanted to form, because that was the difference, the source, God took from Adam to form Eve and not from the ground as it was with other living creatures. The essential raw material to form a woman was from the body of man. And so, if you are a helper, what made you is from that man, that makes you to be personally personal to him. For instance, my wife could help people, but when she is helping me, she does that at a higher degree. Do we agree? Why? Because she is personally mine and I am personally hers.


So, you need to understand that marriage is built on the foundation of help. Other things could give you some help, but marriage has been created by God to give you the real, the intimate and the best help that you need. So, you can look for helpers everywhere, they will try their best, and some will succeed, some will fail. The true help that God has ordained for you is in your marriage. And that is why the devil does not want you to have a good marriage. Number one, the devil does not want you to marry; number two, he does not have you to have a good one. Because if you can have it, your life will have an advantage against him. Your marriage is a problem to Satan, your marriage is not only a problem to Satan but any other human being that has been possessed by Satan considers your marriage a threat.


Now, let us continue. Verse 21: And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. 22 Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. So, God was bringing the woman, but in reality, God was bringing the helper of man. If you will do something well without help, if you now have help, how are you supposed to do it? Excellently well you would say, right? You will perform beyond your peers. So, your wife as a man, is your cutting-edge, your wife is your advantage. That is why when the Bible talks about the Proverbs 31-woman, Bible says “her husband is known at the gates when he seats among the elders.” So, the husband has his cutting-edge in his wife.


The work of his wife becomes help for his own exploit and influence in the community. He would be a nobody if he does not have a wife. Now, Yoruba people would say “there is no honor for a king who has no queen.” I can do it, I don’t need any man or woman in my life, that is okay. But when you go ahead and do your things, and I do my things, we are going to produce different results. You are doing your own thing by your efforts; I am doing mine with grace. My wife is a product of grace! That is why the Bible says “he who finds a wife find a good thing and obtains favor.” When you are looking at favor, you are also looking at grace. When I favor you, you will enjoy my grace. So, when God wants to favor you, He gives you His grace. What is that grace? He gives you in the person of a woman. When God wants to show His favor to the world, He gives us His grace in Christ our Lord.


So, Jesus is the embodiment of God’s grace to humanity. Your wife is the embodiment of God’s grace to your life. You are saying “Lord, I need more grace, I am struggling. Taking care of these things is too much for only me.” But God is saying “I have given you a man, I have given you a woman.” Especially this area is for the men, I have given you this woman to grace your life. When she is not there, you will lack grace, you will struggle, you will do everything by yourself. Imagine just being alone, you have had a very long day, you are tired and you are still the same one to do everything all by yourself. You do the cooking by yourself; you do the washing by yourself; you do the sweeping by yourself. Nobody to tell you “are you okay?” You are just on your own.


When you find those who really commit suicide, go and check their marriage, you cannot have a successful marriage and commit suicide, the solution to suicide is marriage. He will not allow you to commit suicide, she will not allow you to commit suicide is that marriage is working. Many people are frustrated, they are disappointed, many people are trying to even find meaning in this life. It is because they are not really married, they are not happily married. God has graced your life in your marriage. The advantage that you have over your peers is your marriage. For those who are singles and not married yet, that is a responsibility for you. The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ. Jesus did not come as an unfitted grace; He came as a fitted grace. He saw out need for grace completely. There is no other grace that I require outside of Jesus, He is the embodiment of all my grace.


Are you going to become the embodiment of all the grace that your husband needs? When your husband is requiring a woman that would help him, are you there? When he needs help anywhere, are you there? If only in one area you can help him out of his seven needs, you are not a fitting grace. Many women have had situations where their husbands were unfaithful to them simply because they can’t meet the grace, they cannot satisfy what the husband is looking for. When a woman is saying she is not married, and she is sorrowful, and she focuses all her energy on sorrow, you know she is missing out on something. Where she is now, is a product of how she has spent her days in the past. And now, if she now chooses sorrow, instead of sitting down and saying “Lord I have been created as a helper, how much help can I provide to any human being?” because you cannot give what you don’t have.


For instance, a woman who cannot cook cannot help me with my food. Do you understand that? A woman who don’t know how to give a soft answer cannot give me a soft answer when I need one. So, you must have it yourself to give it. So, if you choose to sit down and cry over your loneliness and singleness, you are only elongating the period. If God is the one that will bring you to a man, then you must seat down and get ready to become a helper to him. Let your husband not look for help outside of you. When a man is cheating, help is lacking. An average man is selfish; an average man is looking for who will make him great. Don’t try to use money to get a man to marry you, because when he gets married to you, he will now realize that he needs something else from you that is not money. Money is not enough. It will only get two of you to get married in the long run it doesn’t keep the two of you together. You know we are talking about creating and sustaining.


When a man knows his life will get better marrying you, he will close his eyes to every other woman and chose you. Even if others say you are not fine, he will say you are fine. That’s why they say “beauty is in the eyes of the beholder” the man is not looking at money or anything he is looking at you holistically. Can you holistically ease my pain? So, when a man is cheating go and deal with the matter as a woman, you don’t need to report him to people, deal with the matter. Ask how am I not helping him? You see, when a man is helped, he is satisfied. But when a man is not helped, he is not satisfied. God has instituted marriage on the basis of help.


Some Pastors have preached about many women that is respectful to them, but they aren’t respectful to their husbands. Some of the women will even say “it is the anointing I am respecting”, who says your husband is not anointed? Do you know who gave the same man, your pastor, the anointing? Do you know who is keeping the anointing on his life? Do you know if his wife has been the engine room of his anointing, and you are the one respecting the anointing, but you add no value to the head of your own husband, your husband’s head is dry of oil, no oil! Why? You will rather be taking care of other people’s garden, but your own garden you will not keep.


Yet, if your husband is not respected, he will not dream big, respect a man, he will start dreaming big. He will think he is bigger than who he is because that woman is respecting him. You think your respect is a small thing to your husband, if you think it’s a small thing, take it from him one day, dishonor your husband. Respect a man, he will start thinking he is better than who he is currently, he will start aiming bigger. Disrespect a man even though everybody everywhere respects him, he will start thinking he is less. So, the way you treat your man can redefine his identity. He could think he is a different person even by your own reaction to him.


So, don’t just respect everybody and disrespect your husband because; there is an aspect I don’t want us to miss. Don’t give help, because I want us to note that the living creatures promised Adam many things but they could only meet his general needs. Don’t just be a general needs meter of your husband, the general needs that an average person could meet; meet his specific needs and goal, become a specialize helper of him.


Some people have become leaders in churches, they have become unit leaders, they are adding value to the church. Some are choir leaders, some are head ushers, they are adding value, they are helping the church, they are helping the Senior Pastor; but at home, the husband is not getting help, and so you accuse the man of looking at the girls in the church or in his office, help him. When he is helped, it’s like when he is given food, it’s only foolishness that will make a man that has been fed to be asking you for food. Greed and foolishness and that may require deliverance. A man that does not need deliverance, needs your help. But for husbands that needs deliverance, you cannot deliver them, but it is the Holy Spirit that will deliver them. But if it does not require deliverance, he needs your help. Any other thing that he wants, give it to him. He can’t look for another elsewhere. Because he needs help that’s why you are created.


If you can’t help a man, don’t get married, build yourself as a helper. Become the best helper your husband can find anywhere. Let him choose you over every other person, and let him keep you, because keeping you is simply keeping the help. Some people can even spiritualize it. When you see Pastors and their wives on a bill board at times, you can depict whether the wife is a help meet to the man by the way they position themselves. Become the helper that the man needs. You only need to be committed to a man and then when you understand the man it will be very easy. It is not as if when you master the man, God will give you another man, No! Put in all the effort to become the master of your husband’s personality. Just know it and know how to meet the needs of that personality. It’s a word for everybody, know your wife and help her, know your husband and help him. But God has created wife as help.


The reason why I’m saying this is because if a woman does not function as help, to you as a man she will function as help to others. God has created her to help, and some ministers have preached messages around it. That’s why you must engage your wife. No woman wants to be idle in marriage. That’s why if you don’t have a responsibility you are fulfilling, it could be wrong for you to be asking for a woman. If you have no work/job that you are doing or a problem you are solving, you have nothing and you are asking for help. Imagine a situation where I am doing nothing, and I asked you to help me in doing nothing; is it possible? If I am doing nothing, then I can’t ask for your help.


So, that is why you find marriages where the man and the woman are tired in marriage. The marriage is so boring, everyday too much talk and it doesn’t produce anything. There is nothing the man is doing that he wants the woman to help him to do. I pray that God will help us. Continuing in verse 22, it says:


Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.23 And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” She is my own personal helper and therefore, she shall be called woman, my helper, the helper of man! 24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. So, what happened? The marriage has started, no shame. The dominion has begun, no shame still.


There was orderliness in the kingdom, the other living creatures submitted to the authority of the marriage because they had become one, and there was no shame. This verse 24 and 25 could have taken several years, no shame, it doesn’t matter the duration. Some people are three years in marriage and shame has already set in because there are issues. A woman who is not a ready help and a man who has nothing for anyone to help. I want us to see Genesis 24 quickly and I will talk about it. If I may ask us, in this Genesis 24, that Isaac was to be given a wife, apart from the time that God instructed Abraham to sacrifice Isaac, did we hear anything about Isaac again? Nothing! But did we remember that he was the heir of the kingdom, the heir apparent, the next in command, the man who Is to rule, on behalf of his father, the prince. Yet nobody heard about him. Did we also notice that while we hear nothing about him, he was also single? So, when we talk about “CUTTING-EDGE”, your cutting-edge is waiting for you in marriage. His dominion as a man was rooted in marriage.


When it came to a time that he felt and his parents felt he had grown, you know we say you will grow into marriage; a woman was sought out for him, and from the moment he got married, his life changed. He was now a man who was negotiating with kings. Do you remember the decisions he made? When the Bible says “and Isaac sowed in the land and he reaped” is it before the wedding or after the wedding? It was after he got married. His business went up after he got married. He became a man who was ruling and reigning after he got married. So, for those who have been thinking they will be okay without getting married, the don’t know what lies ahead of them at the other side called marriage.


He was to rule over nations, but he did not begin the rulership until the matter of his marriage was settled. His older brother, Ishmael that decided to get married from the other side Canaanites; he didn’t marry from the tribe of his father. He decided to marry and his marriage was wrong and has his marriage was wrong from the foundation, his authority and dominion as a man was affected.


Make the tree good, the fruit will be good. If you make your marriage good, the fruits of marriage will be good. If your marriage is faulty then what will come afterwards, the fruit of the womb, the fruits of your mind, the fruits of your lips, it will be wrong. Do we understand that? So, don’t expect miracle to happen, if you are a wrong woman married to a wrong man, and you want to give birth to a right child, No! So, you must fix yourself as a man and also fix yourself as a woman so that you can have a correct child. Because, it takes the two to come together to have children, both biologically and otherwise. If you must produce something great in your marriage, it must be you two coming together. it mustn’t be a woman who is good and her husband is bad. Let everyone be good together and let us jointly produce works that will stand for generations.


So, the cutting-edge of the life of Isaac began in marriage. As soon as he married, he began to reign. Let us go to the book of Esther Chapter 1 and 2. The book of Esther introduces us to a story that happened at a part of the world, at a point in time. The king was doing party and he invited his wife. The king was the greatest King, ruling the entire world. He invited his wife on a particular day of the occasion to come and show the glory of her beauty to the kingdom. Please, what was the man doing? Now, some people believed the man was drunk, but as far as he was a drunk man, he was still a man. He had his need; the drunkenness had produced a need in his life. But as far as he was concerned it was a need.


There was a help he required. The man was not as beautiful as his own wife and he needed beauty to be demonstrated to his guest. He requested his wife to come and show her beauty in her kingdom and the woman refused. The Bible says she was also entertaining her guest in her own palace. As soon as judgement was passed on her she was removed. So, what happened?


Before the judgement came, she was the Queen of the land. So, she had authority, she had influence and power. So, her cutting-edge was sharp. When women gather, she was a ruler over them. When she speaks her words were law, she carried honor, dignity and everything together. But the moment she missed it in marriage, her cutting-edge was withdrawn, she was removed and another was sought. Esther became the Queen. Esther was a nobody. She was just a beautiful woman who has been developing her life, waiting for a day she will be of help to a man. She didn’t even know she will be of help to the king of kings, she thought she will be of help to a good man. She now has to be of help to the best man.


But thank God she was prepared. Because when you read the book of Esther, you will realize there were many demands on her life. There were many things she needed to help the King with. Sometimes, the King didn’t even know many things. There was a time they wanted to kill the king, if she was a dubious woman she will say “let them kill him and I will inherit the property.” She instead exposed those who wanted o kill her husband to her husband, eventually that became a catalyst for the uplift of her uncle. She became a law giver, she became a ruler and a leader, she became a woman to be envied by all, simply because she got married. If she had stayed a virtuous woman for the rest of her life that would have been missing. Because her cutting-edge was in her marriage.


Do you imagine the things she went through to get ready for her wedding, the processes? She was selected among many and she was the best and that means she excelled. In her preparation she succeeded. Many women desire great things, but they don’t want to do great things. If you ever desire that your husband will not be a nonentity, you must put in double effort to prepare yourself very well. If you want your husband to become the greatest man in the world, you have a responsibility to become the greatest woman that you can become. Because it takes a great woman to help a great man into greatness.


A foolish woman cannot help a man into greatness. You are the one that is always complaining, neighbors are always coming to fix matters with you as a woman, that man can’t succeed like that. See the process that was required just to select one woman. If all that was required was just to look for beauty, don’t you think the eunuchs would even know who the king would love? They were the ones that stay with the king. But the king knew that his kingdom requires much more than beauty. As a woman don’t just decorate yourself, don’t seek to just be beautiful. There is so much a man needs from a woman than beauty. Its so little compared to it.


When life comes knocking to you, do you need beauty? Please don’t lose your beauty but he needs much more. In addition to your beauty add more value to it. The king had to remove the other woman because she stopped being of help. Don’t stop being of help to your husband. Don’t go on help-vacation. Your relevance in his life is tied to the help you provide. The honor that you get from every other person and from him is tied to the help. As you help him, he loves you, as you help him, he favors you. When Esther came to the King, normally Esther was supposed to be killed for coming, because she was not called by the king, but instead of the king to kill her, the King stretched hands to her and she was favored, because she is of help. She didn’t come to complain to the king on that particular day. She was thinking in kingdom perspective because she was the wife of the king of kings.


If your husband is going to be the greatest farmer in the world, have a farmer mindset. Do we remember the story of Rebecca? What qualified her was that she was a woman that had capacity to take care of animals. She said “I will not only get you a drink for yourself, I will also fetch for your Camels.” The man came with ten camels and each camel will require a minimum of a gallon to be satisfied. If she hates animals, would she have been able to fetch water for the animals? She had passion for the career/for the work of her husband. No wonder there was no issue in their marriage. Rebecca and Isaac didn’t have any issue. All their days she was of help.


Let us go to Ecclesiastes 4:8-12. It says: “there is one alone (a woman alone, a man alone) without companion: He has neither son nor brother. Yet there is no end to all his labours, nor is his eye satisfied with riches. But he never asks, “For whom do I toil and deprive myself of good? “This also is vanity and a grave misfortunene. 9 Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor.10 For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up.


So, as a man, you should tell yourself “I need my wife to help me up.” You don’t need her to help you down, you need her to help you up. So, for women that wants to be suitable wives, they must know where they are taking their husband to, where? Up! If you can’t take him up, leave him, don’t marry him. As a woman also be bold. As a man can set questions for you, you can also set questions for him. You can know who you are to marry by knowing the kind of help God has created you to provide. In life we are all helpers, helping at different levels, things created are always helping us. When you see a fan, a fan is always helping us to blow away heat. Everything is creating help; the light is providing help in light. The bulbs are providing light help.


So, when you see a bulb you know there is a darkness that needs to be chased away. So, when you see a help; when you see yourself as her helper, you can have an idea of the problem you are to solve. If God create you for something, you can know how you will fit in. When a man comes and declare his manifesto and you know with the way God has been raising you has a helper, he has nothing to do with the help that he needs, don’t be emotional, “I’m not the best woman for your life.” Say it. When you tell a man/woman you are not the best for them, the person will not be too hurt. When you say you are not the best, that shows you are not adequate, you are not enough for the help that the person needs.


You don’t have to feel rejected when a man or woman says this, she means you are not the best for his/her life. If a woman is loitering around your life as a man, and you know the help you need and you know she doesn’t have any trace of it, you are not the best, in that case you say “I am not the best man for your life.” You see, there is a best man for every life. There is a best woman for every life. Nobody has been created as a general helper. You can’t succeed helping everybody. Should I let you know? This is the error that many people make. Because you see a man of God or a man that is doing fine, you start wishing you marry them. You can’t! Do you know what the wife is facing, the responsibility? If you see the responsibility, you will even run away. So, why eye something that you cannot tackle? Why eye a problem you cannot solve?


When we begin to see things as problem and solutions, you will not eye another man’s wife, you will not eye another woman’s husband, knowing fully well that it is to the help that God has designed you to provide that God connect you to a man or woman who has the need. You are a helper raised up by God, there is a man looking for help. You have a need in your life that needs help, there is a woman that God has created for you and it is not interchangeable, like “any woman that can fix my problem can fix other people’s problem”, it’s a lie.


That a woman is staying in your house does not mean she can stay in another man’s house; she will run away. You have a man that God has designed you, raised you up to help and make sure you develop yourself fast as the best help so that you will not delay the man. Sometimes, some men are delayed, they’ve been waiting for their woman and cannot find her, they just end up marrying something else. But that does not mean the one that you find to be better than the one that you did not find, do you understand? So that you don’t frustrate the man and make him to make the wrong choice, develop yourself, grow up so that you can quickly meet his needs. I pray that God will help us in Jesus’ name.


There is something in Proverbs 27:17 that I want us to see. It says: As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend. If a cutting-edge has been created for you in marriage, don’t forget, as man is expected to sharpen the countenance of his friend; so, a man or woman is expected to sharpen the cutting-edge of her husband or of his wife. Do we understand that? If a friend can make another friend better, then God has designed it that a woman should make her husband better, a man should make his wife better. And as you do that, what happens? There is advantage for everyone, the man is assumed to be bigger or better than he is, the woman is assumed to be better and bigger than she is. What’s the secret? The woman, the man; the marriage is the secret. And I pray that as we obey the word of God, we will experience a cutting-edge experience in our marriages, and in our lives in Jesus’ name.



Thanks for the gift of your time, I am Gboyega ADEDEJI!

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Word of Confession: (Optional)

Lord Jesus, I confess to you that I have sinned against the LORD God - in the rebellion of my heart, I have disappointed your expectations on my life. I have fallen from Your grace and followed wrong influences around me. Today, I retrace my steps back to you - and I ask that in your mercy you accept me as your son and give to me (again) the promise of the Father - the Holy Spirit. Lord Jesus, please, come and make my heart your home, and from there rule in the affairs of all men. In Jesus Name I have prayed.


Sustaining Life Cutting-Edge Marriage Relationship Husband Wife

If you take a careful look at a LADDER, you would notice the sacrificial work of GUIDING people up. If your MARRIAGE must become a lift up for others, you and your SPOUSE must come together with lines joining you at EVERY point on every matter. DISAGREABLE couple can hardly lift anybody up beyond their LEVEL of AGREEMENT and unity.

Published: Gboyega Adedeji | Friday 21st August 2020

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