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Resetting (Repairing) Your Marriage
Stats: 6,783 words / Reading Time: 33.92 mins

Published: Friday, 3rd December 2021

By: Gboyega ADEDEJI

Resetting (Repairing) Your Marriage is read 585 times on CentreNDL.org 585
  

RESETTING (REPAIRING) YOUR MARRIAGE

Discover The TOOLS & SECRETS for FIXing Your Old Marital Relationship


Listen To Podcast: Resetting (Repairing) Your Marriage

In this piece, we are considering something important, and it looks like the Holy Spirit is dealing with issues across the body of Christ and He does not want us to be left behind. When we hear the issue, we are going to understand why I said that. We want to consider, very briefly, by the help of the Holy Spirit: Resetting (Repairing/Rebuilding) Your Marriage. So, whichever category we fall in, what is expected of us is that, we are to either reset the marriage, repair the marriage, or we rebuild the marriage. Now, it is expected of every disciple to be married and you are not, as a disciple; expected to bring reproach to God in your marriage. So, as disciples, marriage is key.

 

You know, there is a place that the Holy Spirit reminded me in Isaiah, when the Bible was talking about one who would rebuild the broken walls and then restore the streets, or restore the homes. And so, I understood, that going side-by-side with the leadership assignment, is the relationship or marriage assignment. You can never be effective in one and be ineffective in the other and still think you will be effective as a whole. So, let us start from the beginning. Let us open to the book of Genesis, everything began there, and very soon, in the cause of this piece, we will know why we have to go to Genesis. Genesis 1:26, the intention and agenda of God was made clear. God said: “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, over [g]all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.”

 

Now, one thing quickly becomes obvious to me, and I wish it becomes to you too: and the Lord said, “Let Us make man in Our Image.” That is marriage already. “Let Us [Who are One] make man in Our Image”. Not in Our images because we don’t have divided images, we don’t have different images. God said: “let us make man in our image, according to Our likeness.” Not according to Our likenesses; that already carries the implication of marriage in it. What will make two or three people to become one, is it not marriage? So, God said, there is a dominion in view, towards this dominion, we want to replicate Our marriage on the earth; we want to replicate our union on the earth. 

 

Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; let them [who are more than one] have dominion.” Another point there is that, “let them have dominion” not dominions. Let them have kingdom, not kingdoms; because even though they are not one, they are expected to become one. They are expected to share in their authority. I don’t know if we understand that. It is beginning with God says: Let us make man in our image, according to our likeness. The nitty-gritty of image, likeness, we will skip that because our goal is not that. It says: “and let them have dominion.” Don’t give them dominions; give them dominion. And the dominion can only be exercise by them in their oneness, even though they are not one.

 

I am bringing more than one person together under the umbrella of my name. I am commanding them to fulfil my purpose on the earth, and I am given them an authority. So, they engage my authority together in their oneness. It is commonly said that, “United we stand, divided we fall.” Instead of falling, is it not better to repair the oneness, or to rebuild the oneness, or to reset the oneness? That is the issue; we will rather reset, repair, or rebuild, than to fall. The Lord God said, “We are going to make a marriage that is going to look like Ours.” And if they can remain in this state, they will engage the earth with the authority that I have given to them as one. So, if “A” should decide to go leftward, and “B” decides to go rightward, there could be no more basis for their authority. They have taken different paths; they have chosen separate paths. Plural has suddenly become a norm in a singular scenario or arrangement.

 

Everything God does from the beginning was in singular. Of course, Bible says in the beginning, not “gods created” the heavens and the earth, don’t we remember? In the beginning, “God created the heavens and the earth”, “And God said; not “Gods said” So, God said: “Let us make man in our own image according to our likeness.” Not “Images or likenesses”. “And let them have dominion.” Beginning with let them (the man and his wife) have dominion; not dominions. So, if the two who are expected to become one go their separate ways, they have terminated and crumbled the basis for their authority. The matter will then become like the matter of the people who are in honor but do not understand. The Bible says, “They are like the beasts that perish.”

 

I don’t know why the Holy Spirit seems to be speaking to me in Yoruba now, I don’t know. Yoruba people have this saying that, “It is because snakes do not walk together in unity or unison, that is what lead to the death of a snake.” So, what happens when snakes begin to form groups? Imagine you are walking on the road, and suddenly you found about 5 to 10 snakes in front of you, what would you do this? Usually, when we find snake, we find one. The Bible says, “Woe is he that is alone”.  Because that snake is found alone, the same woe is caught up with it. Why do you think that God who brought you together with your spouse expects you to function alone? As God who knows your end from the beginning, He says, “I am going to bring you out of your father’s and mothers’ house, and join both of you together, and two of you will become one, and as you will become one, you will have one dominion; together you rule on the earth.

 

But in the foolishness of man, he is now saying to God, “Even though, you are wise God, at this point we choose another thing. Due to our irreparable or irreconcilable differences, we choose to go our separate path.” Yet, people that do such things still have the believe they have the vision of God for them at the back of their heart. Saying, “God is not unfaithful; what God has said concerning my life, it will happen”. it will not happen, because you have crumbled the basis for it to happen. You see, the promises and prophecies of God over your life are tied to your marriage. At that time God was saying let us make man, obviously, it looked as if God was talking about one person. Then it moved to “let them have”, moving from one to two, meaning what I said to one, I say to all. Already, in the Bible we have the sequence on how God created man, and later God created the woman and brought her to the man, so, the vision was already declared even before the man and the woman was made.  When the Lord God said, “Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you; before you were born, I sanctified you; I ordained you a prophet to the nations.” But the fulfilment of what I have ordained you for is going to take place in your marriage.

 

“Let’s make man”, it is a process, and Let us make a woman”, it is also a process. And bringing the woman to be joined to the man, and let them that are joined have dominion. But you now think, even if you or your partner has broken the rule of this union, you could still exercise this dominion as a separate entity? No way! It is not possible! God forbids! We are not talking of a situation when an untimely death takes one out of the equation, but we are talking of a situation when one woman or man thinks he or she has had enough, and says to his or herself, “I am better off than having you around.” After all, “My glorious future is still possible without you”. Sir/Ma, that future is not possible without him or her.

 

Let’s go again to the book of Malachi, God was making a very clear statement there. Malachi 2 from verse 10. The Bible says:

 

Have we not all one Father? Has not one God created us? Why do we deal treacherously with one another By profaning the covenant of the fathers? Judah has dealt treacherously, and an abomination has been committed in Israel and in Jerusalem, for Judah has profaned The Lord’s holy institution which He loves: He has married the daughter of a foreign god. May the Lord cut off from the tents of Jacob The man who does this, being awake and aware, Yet who brings an offering to the Lord of hosts! And this is the second thing you do: You cover the altar of the Lord with tears, with weeping and crying; So, He does not regard the offering anymore, nor receive it with goodwill from your hands. Yet you say, “For what reason?” Because the Lord has been witnessing Between you and the wife of your youth, with whom you have dealt treacherously; Yet she is your companion and your wife by covenant. But did He not make them one, having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring. Therefore, take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth. “For the Lord God of Israel says That He hates divorce, for it covers one’s garment with violence [termination of God’s agenda in one’s life],” says the Lord of hosts. “Therefore, take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.”

 

 

Man of God, woman of God, “take heed to your spirit, that you do not do it — deal treacherously.” Take heed to yourself that you don’t do this thing which the Lord hates — divorce — you go your way; she goes her way. But the Bible comes up with this question, why did God unit the man and the woman at the beginning? The Bible says, “God seeks for godly off springs. If we take it further, we will still see the implication of seeking godly off springs. How will the purpose of God for the earth not being truncated due to multiplication of wrong offspring upon the earth! There are many who are raised in our society today that are raised by single mother, or single father; while some are not even raised by single anything. They are raising in a community of peer groups, community of friends, community of enemies; that is where they were raised.

 

So, they grow up to be dysfunctional in their mindset. They grow up not to be fitting into any profitable aspect of the society. There was no deliberateness in their making so, they become anyhow. No man or woman was involved in their making, so they become any man or any woman. Hence, to avoid this, God has instituted marriage. God has created a situation by which a man leaves whatever he or she has been attached to in the past, and the two of them come together to become one. And as long as they remain as one; they walk in authority. The people of the Western part of Nigeria have this saying, “There is no honor for a king who has no queen”. We can also say that, “There is no glory for a king who has no wife.”

 

So, what happens? Is it not also so glorious that towards you becoming a king you are to be married? There are many societies in Nigeria that the qualifications for you to be chosen as a king is that you get yourself a wife. There are also many denominations in Nigeria and across the world, that for you to become a pastor under the denomination, or the leading pastor of a local assembly, you need to get married. You can be an assistant pastor while still a single brother or sister, but when you want to step into the office of a leading pastor, the request will be, “Please, get married.” Now, under whatever name, you want to be a king or a pastor, and you have got married, now that you are married, the Bible says, “Don’t entertain the thought of divorce in your heart.” Why? God hates it.

 

If God hates divorce; a man who divorces, a woman who divorces, is he or she in the love of God? So, since God hates divorce, what should you do if it happens that you are in a marriage that is far from ideal? That is to say what you see in your marriage is not same with what you have envisioned before you got married, perhaps, you are in a marriage where the essence of marriage is not visible in your marriage union, what should you do? Or you are in a marriage where either you or your spouse is tired of institution that is called marriage, what should you do? This is part of our consideration. The Holy Spirit has helped me to picture a scenario before me with a question of which of the two possible incidents in the scenario is easier? The scenario is this: to repair a car that is not good, or to buy a new one? To replace the one that needs repair, which one is easier? If you were left with this question to answer, which do you think is easier?

 

I perceived your answer would be same as mine: to repair is easier. It is easier to restore a car than to buy another one. It is cheaper, it is easier. You can even redecorate the entire interior, and nobody outside will know. People outside might think you are still using your old car, but the inside is better than before; you are more comfortable but they don’t know.  If you have 500,000. 00 Naira, and you want to enjoy your life, instead of going for a new car of over 2.5 million Naria, use the money to upgrade the old car that you have, your experience would change even though it is true that you are still using your old car. Your life is better, but to other people, it is still the old marriage.

 

The man married to the same woman for 30 years, what is going on? Parts are being nourished or maintained. 40 issues, but the 40 issues are being repaired. Same husband and wife, yet new experience in same marriage. So, there are instances where repairing is the perfect idea. Perhaps, if the issue at hand is a hardware issue repairing is required. And another suggestion by the Holy Spirit if it is a software issue is that, the marriage should be reset. Suddenly you have gotten married, but your spouse has started a new way of life, you know that the man has not changed; it is same man; he has changed. His thinking has changed; he has become extravagant; very wasteful, and you have been complaining, these are software issues. All you need to do is to do resetting. There is nothing to repair there, just reset it.

 

The Bible says, “if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you.” What your head is supposed to do, it will start doing it correctly. The man who has been careless will become careful after resetting because his head is now correct. Why say, “Pastor, please, separate this marriage, I am tired of it?” when only a click of a button from God can reset him. And when he is reset, he will go back to original setting. The original state, that man you use to love and cherish, talk straight, who hates bad things, who loves good things; you will now have the same man back. You love him that is why you married him, and now that he has gone to the original state, wouldn’t you be comfortable in the marriage henceforth? That is, it! And there are instances in marriage, just like the computer system, it is infected by virus, an external influence has spoken words into your marriage that has created what is called a spiral effect leading from one thing to another creating commotion, not making both of you to trust each other, why? Because the marriage has been infused with a virus — an enemy has sown a tare in your marriage. This is where resetting is essential; it clear your marriage of the old.

 

When a system if infect by virus, perhaps, such possibility in most cases happens as a result of inserting an external accessory or device to it. There was a communication between Eve and the serpent, or the man Adam and the serpent — an external party has spoken. Do you know what the external party does, it speaks in such a manner that one who is spoken to is being deceived; as long as your keep this secret from your spouse, you will be fine. That is an example of what virus does; it locks the marriage and keep the whole system from communication. It is also possible for the virus, the enemy, to lock the marriage from communicating with other marriages. The virus is able to block the husband and his wife from communication; because the wife has been told, “Don’t let him know.” “Don’t let him know, once he knows, your marriage is over.”  “Don’t let her know, once she knows, there will be trouble.” So, the information is hoarded from the other person, and that destroy the fabric of the marriage.

 

A virus has come in; you reset it. Let us start all afresh. There was a film I was privileged to watch some time ago, a man had lied to his wife for umpteen times in the marriage and when they realize, they both claim they want to now continue in the path of the truth. In another film called “Mr and Mrs Smith”. This couple lived a lying life together as husband and wife; they never opened up to each on any matter. They were in same profession but their affairs were kept from one another. When their marriage was almost destroying, God helped them so to say, and they reconnected. After they have got victory over the lying virus, on their way back, they decided to reconcile every single lie they have told each other before. So, they began, “This matter that I told you was like this before, was a lie.” Almost all the conversation that they had had together as married couple were lies. Every conversation was a lie, a cover up. So, they said, “Let’s make the record straight, going forward let there be no lie”. That is resetting of faulty marriage.

 

“Actually, I told you I was born in the city, it was a lie, I was born in the village.” That is resetting. The spouse will now have to delete the old information. It was an external force or party that has spoken a word that has multiplied into a something that has block the two out of reach, communication. So, you have not been speaking deep and truthful words together for months or weeks. Now that God is intervening, you must start communicating; “My wife, there is something I have been keeping from you, but this is the truth about it.” Thereafter, the wife also could be pricked in her heart; “Dear, there are about two or three secret I have been keeping from you, this is with, and that is the other one. Forgive me, it will not happen again”. What happens? Healing start taking place; one truth leading to another truth, because as one person says his own truth, the other person is encouraged to say his or her own truth. But if everybody starts hoarding the truth, lies would start multiplying, and what does it do? It cripples the marriage.

 

When lies get to a level in marriage, a man will say, “Let me go my own way”. A woman will say, “Let me go my own way.” All they are thinking is to go way, walk away, but little do they know that, they are abandoning their dominion destiny. That is the problem, for the Lord God seeks godly offspring. The Lord says, “Multiply, subdue, and be fruitful”. But none of these can be done anyhow, there are laid down principles. If you chose to go your separate ways, you are saying goodbye to all that God has said concerning your individual life. May the Lord help us in Jesus’ name.

 

There is a Scripture that came to me and I just want to share it with us. In Galatians chapter 5 from verse 11-15. The Bible says,

 

“And I, brethren, if I still preach circumcision, why do I still suffer persecution? Then the offense of the cross has ceased. I could wish that those who trouble you [the peace and the prosperity of your marriage] would even cut themselves off! For you [husband and wife], brethren, have been called to liberty; only do not use liberty as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this: “You shall love your neighbour as yourself.” But if you bite and devour one another, beware lest you be consumed by one another!”

 

Let’s begin to see how this Scripture is related to marriage now. Number one, Apostle Paul, said, “You” referring to couple, “you have been called to liberty, but don’t use your liberty as an opportunity for the flesh.” Meaning, don’t allow the flesh to become a key factor in your union, liberty. Take for instance, as a husband, I am at liberty to call unto my wife to demand for food that I am hungry at any time. And maybe food is not ready as at the time I place my demand, and I am like shouting at her angrily, “Do you want hunger to kill me? What is your relevance here when you cannot get me food?” It is within your right and privileges to enjoy the food of your wife, which is to nourish your body, I am just siting an instance of food, if you are married you could understand better some other things that are installed in a wife by God for the enjoyment of her husband; that nourishes or satisfies him.

 

Why It is within your liberty to enjoy these things, don’t now get to a point that while seeking for those things: seeking for pleasure, seeking for satisfaction, then it becomes a tool in the hand of the devil in ruining the home or the marriage. It could be because of food that a man will even abuse or curse his wife, even though you are entitled to these things, see what the Holy Spirit is saying, “Have self-control.” The flesh is not to dominate you; you are to dominate the flesh. Eating is your right, being taken care of is your right, but don’t let it become a tool of the flesh. Serve her let her serve you. She is your helper, help her too; this is the admonishment of the Holy Spirit to all of us. She is your helper, help her; serve one another, serve each other. Let service become a matter of love, not a matter of obligation. Let it never come to the point that you will beginning to say, “Let me do it, for doing sake.” No, that ought not to be, rather let it be in love. “He is my husband, I love him, so I give him food.” “She is my wife, I love her; so, I treat her well.”

 

The Bible says, “You shall love your wife as yourself”. That is, it! As it is true for the man so, it is for the woman too: “You shall love your husband as yourself”. We are dealing with you resetting your marriage, all this while, you have been standing on your right as a man, “I have the right as the head of this home, to be taking care of; you should serve me very well.” And that has been robbing your marriage of its peace. The Bible says, “Love that woman as yourself.” You will be amazed that husbands are backbiting their wives; they are biting their wives. Wives are biting their husbands; they are devouring.

 

I was at a mechanic village some weeks ago, and I was just quiet. One man that I never spoke to; I can’t remember if I greeted him, he was just pacing around me trying to connect with me, but my concerning was that the mechanic should finish for me to leave the place. At a point he was just talking about his wife and was just looking at me. The way he was talking about his wife, he came to repair her wife’s vehicle; “She is never grateful, always complaining”. I didn’t know him nor his wife. He was talking of the woman as if the woman was never his wife. He said, “The motor can even spoil somewhere and the woman will just call him to come and carry it, me I have gone oooo”.  Maybe because of the behavior of the woman, the man too has become bitter towards his wife, yet they sleep in same house and eat the same food. But I also observed that the way the man was talking that the name wife is the one in the life of the man unofficially.

 

This is how it starts, a situation in which the man is making jest of his wife. From making little, little jest, then graduate into serious jests. “Who is she, who is he, my husband?” “She is nobody.’ Abigael the wife of Naban said, “As the name of my husband is, so is he; he is a fool.” We don’t know if she had called him a fool to his face before in their relationship life. We don’t even know too if peradventure the man too had been insulting and abusing her to the point that the wife had said to herself, “My husband is a fool, and I don’t mind saying it in public.” This is how we tell ourselves the truth, “He will say I am a fool, and I tell him, he is a fool”. “You are stupid, him too will me, you are stupid”. A marriage that supposed to be harmony and peace, that is supposed to be replica of heaven on the earth; has now become a place for biting and devouring.

 

The Bible says, “If this continues you two will end up consuming one another”, there will be nothing left. So that we don’t end up in a state of self-destruction, the word for us is that, “Reset your marriage”. You know how it was in the beginning; how free you were talking to your spouse, go back to it. Let there be a round-table discussion, a bed-room discussion; open up, the matter that looks so heavy as if they tie a big rock to it, or irons were connected to your mouth and they bolt it together, that you cannot open your mouth on the matter. The Word of God is “Open up!” “Speak!” Devil reigns in an atmosphere of ignorance. Let there be no ignorance in your marriage, discuss, talk. And the Bible says, “Love your wife as yourself”. Why? Because you have become one with her. You have become one with him, don’t backbite, front-bite, side-bite, don’t devour yourself. Don’t wish your spouse to die, it is horrible. Guard your marriage from failing, because the failure of your marriage is your direct failure.

 

If there is any Word of God concerning your future, it is not about a woman that is going to come, it is this man or woman that you are married to that will help you to get there. So, you stay with him or her; should anything go wrong, don’t wish another person come to repair your marriage. Take your marriage to the right mechanic, the dealer, the One who gave you the marriage. Tell Him, “In my marriage, the head light is faulty. My marriage, our radio, air-conditional…are not good. In our marriage, the gear box is not good, Oh Lord, fix it in the name of Jesus! The gear box of our marriage is changing in the name of Jesus! I confess that our head-light is working in the name of Jesus! The light is bright; it is reaching very fast! All the cracks are replaced in the name of Jesus! Nothing is blocking us in the name of Jesus! Repairing is cheaper!

 

If you go and abandon that faulty marriage now, and go for another marriage, unknown problems lay ahead. Is it not better to fix the marriage that you have stayed with for the past 10 to 15 years than to go and enter another one that you don’t know what will happen to you there? If you are a failure in fixing your marriage of 20 years, if you start another one, wouldn’t you also fail there? Start to become a success from this one. Start fixing your marriage from this one. Don’t wait for another opportunity. Some people will say: I have learnt a good lesson in my last marriage, my next marriage would be very good.” It is now always like that. I pray that the Lord will help us in Jesus’ name.

 

Don’t wait for another opportunity. Don’t say, “I think I just made a wrong choice, next time, I will make a right choice.” No next time, fix this one.

 

 


Thanks for the gift of your time, I am Gboyega ADEDEJI!

Feel free to share your thoughts or testimony in the comment box below. I promise to respond to them as soon as possible!


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Word of Confession: (Optional)

Lord Jesus, I confess to you that I have sinned against the LORD God - in the rebellion of my heart, I have disappointed your expectations on my life. I have fallen from Your grace and followed wrong influences around me. Today, I retrace my steps back to you - and I ask that in your mercy you accept me as your son and give to me (again) the promise of the Father - the Holy Spirit. Lord Jesus, please, come and make my heart your home, and from there rule in the affairs of all men. In Jesus Name I have prayed.

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In the multitude of COUNSEL, there is SAFETY. By whose counsel do you build your life, marriage, business or ministry?


Published: Gboyega Adedeji | Friday 27th September 2019


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In the multitude of COUNSEL, there is SAFETY. By whose
  In the multitude of COUNSEL, there is SAFETY. By whose
  In the multitude of COUNSEL, there is SAFETY. By whose
  In the multitude of COUNSEL, there is SAFETY. By whose
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